I had to stand on the coffee table and reach out as far as I could. Before that, I had to get a paper towel and fold it three times just in case something went through. Before that, I had to point it out to you to reaffirm my bravery and manliness. Before that, it freaked me out. Before that, we were snuggling on the couch.
I looked at it after. Guts spewed and smeared on the paper towel, all eight legs slowly finding their final posture. I felt sad, and by sad I mean heroic. You applaud me.