número dos

She perused the hard candies, allowing her index finger to feel gently the saccharin bumps of the extra large jawbreakers. She looked at her finger and the light white layer of dust reminded her of the dust-covered furniture of her uncle’s house. With an uneasy feeling she picked up the candy and gripped it like a baseball. Rage slowly supplanted her sadness and she waited for the sole child to leave the shop. As the words, “can I assis-” left the lips of the old man at the counter, the hurled candy met the old man and shattered his jaw.

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7 comments

  1. lissett samaniego

    Quite a startling mini story. It could also work well as a hook for a longer short story, or even a novel. Keep at it Dustin. You have a real gift for storytelling.

  2. Hi Lissett,
    Thanks for the comment, who knows what will come of this 100 words. I think at this point 100 words is the only amount of fiction I am comfortable with 🙂 Hope you’re well!

  3. Ha! Hadn’t read this one yet. Let’s see if you can rewrite the first sentence without using the word ‘jawbreaker’, just to keep us in suspense a little longer…

  4. Haha, OK, I’ll think about it. I was going for “foreshadowing” and if I rewrite it I would have to change quite a bit to keep it right at 100 words 🙂 Thanks for the comment!

  5. Found you from a link to another link to another, as I procrastinate what I should be writing (for a living) instead. Bay Area here, and former Berkeleyite (lit). So, so appreciate your 100 word stories. Read them all. Don’t ever make them into anything longer as someone else suggested. You’ll only make me procrastinate even longer.

    This one’s a gem. Only thing I wish I had was more of a clue about the rage. The uncle? Just a tiny bit more of a hint, porfa. Make it 103 just this once? So I can get back to work?

    • Hi Jacki,

      Thanks for stumbling across my compendium of scribbles. And thank you for your kind words regarding my 100 word stories. I think I have some family still in Belmont, and I definitely have friends from Mateo [Matt-tee-oh] (Or is that like calling San Francisco “Frisco”?). I’m a Sonoma guy myself and found that Berkeley (Phys, Span) was perfectly one hour from home. Juuuuust far enough, but also close enough to do laundry.

      The rage…originally the idea was for this to be the opening for a story on creepy candy shop man reminding surprisingly athletic young women of her childhood where uncle was inappropriate. It’s been kind of abandoned because digging deep into this topic gave me an uneasy feeling and I felt I was not ready to dive deeper in the research to flesh it out into something substantial.

      Thanks again!

      Best,
      Dustin

      • Oh, yes, the inappropriate uncle. I guess you did leave enough of a clue, because that’s what I suspected was underneath the dust there. Very nice. More stories, please.

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